Listening IN…For LOVE-
On Dec 23rd I was due to leave to Nepal to go the Bright Horizons Children’s home- I was to offer the Safe Embrace Trauma Healing Program Training to the staff there. At about 10am that morning I went online to book in for my departure- only to find out that “somehow” there had been an error in my booking, and I was in fact NOT booked to leave that day! There was actually no reservation! Now for about an hour – I scuttled around the internet trying to find a flight that would get me there- After many exhausting conversations and looking at flights that would take more than 50 hours of travel time I stopped.
I simply stopped and felt my heart racing and the sweat on my back- and I took a BREATH…
After a few moments of sitting and staring at the computer screen, I heard inside a quiet voice saying ” You know in the bigger picture maybe you are not meant to go on this trip” I heard it and did what many of us do in this kind of situation, I DISMISSED it – I simply said that is not an option!! ” I have to go, they are expecting me, I can’t let them all down, what will XYZ think of me…” I listened. And then I heard again – ” I am exhausted, I need a break, I need to slow down, I cant keep going at this speed.”
As I felt this voice inside me it began to grow louder, and I started to really listen. I started to feel that I did need a break and that no matter how much I wanted to serve that my cup desperately needed filling. I got in touch with how the last year had been an intense time of deep change. ( My partner and I decided to dissolve our relationship, I moved home, I started a number of programs- Oh yeah and I went to Congo…and on and on!) You know how it is- I know you know!
So in a split second I opened my heart to myself, and said “Enough is enough” and I gave myself the deep love of letting go and saying “Ok I I am not going.” What happened next was largely unremarkable… the world did not stop, there was no tsunami or hurricane or earthquake- there was just the sweet silence of my heart beat and the deep relief of tears on my cheeks. I melted into the moment of LOVE. It was like I gave myself a huge gift- a sweet kiss from Mother on my cheek – a hand on my back saying its all ok- you don’t have to hurt yourself to help others. You know I thought I had given up the Martyr syndrome a long time ago but apparently the tendrils of “being a good person if I work really really hard” were still at play! Not now…no I really changed things.
I stopped- I took nearly a month off from everything- yes thats why you have not heard from me in a while! I did not pick up the phone or answer my email – I let the world be a bit mad with me. I just disappeared into the moment. In to the present moment of wherever I was. Whew! I sat a lot, did nothing …a lot. Laughed, played, slept a lot. Oh and I fell in love (well that’s a whole other story!) And what became clear as a bell: I was done with running around, I was done with not truly loving myself, I was done with being over responsible, and I was definitely done with the belief that somehow hard work made me a good person! YUK!!!
Cue musical break- “I can see clearly now the rain has gone…its gonna be a bright bright sunshiny day”
And what did I see? I saw, felt, and birthed an emerging new paradigm – in my own quiet womb…
I am calling it The Lalita Paradigm – (stay tuned for more on this!!)
- Sit back, enjoy, slow down, breathe, and let it come.
- Stop TRYING, stop DOING (at least balance it out girl).
- Give up scarcity REALLY- NOW.
- Immerse in something you LOVE.
- Play, Laugh, BE at ease, Injoy.
- Fill your cup up to overflowing often.
- Embody your love.
- Let your LIVING flow through you.
- Give away what you have generously and with great joy.
- Flirt with everyone in life innocently until they giggle with you.
- Sleep, lay down, relax…
- Drink good red wine and divine chocolates (or whatever your version of this kind of gorgeous decadence is).
- And finally… don’t have love making be on the schedule- scrap that and “magician” the time…
And then let WORK be in this energy.
My invitation this Valentines day? Love yourself enough to let Lalita (Goddess of love) live in you. She is soooo ready to.
And let me know how you are LOVING yourself today…and everyday. Lets be the revolution of love darling ones…
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