What We’re Letting Go Of…
As you probably know by now, every moon in the Priestess Presence Temple, we intimately move through one face of the Divine Feminine. This is related to the Wheel of the Year, passing through different seasons and gateways of our lives.
This moon, we enter the gateway of the Queen of Death.
She whispers to us…
Just let go.
Let go and trust.
Let yourself free fall into my darkness.
Let yourself be untethered.
Enter the Unknown of my dark embrace, like a seed lying dormant in the dark winter soil.
Let yourself rest in me.
Be at peace, be empty, be fallow…
And in this moment, I feel Her pull strongly. There is so much that feels like it is ready to die, so much that feels that is has to be now be done. Despite outward appearances, I feel the death throws of the patriarchy and all that of its outmoded institutions that no longer serve us.
For so many of here – especially in the west – we deeply fear letting go. The soft whisperings of the Queen of Death are not ones that we are taught to welcome, cherish, or revere.
I wonder, love: how many times have you clenched tightly to something knowing that it was done? Knowing in your heart-wisdom that it was time to “let go.”
I have held on when I knew it was time to let something die. I have tried to resuscitate it only to be left feeling the intimate calling of Her within me … whether it was a relationship with a lover that had such promise (“If only this or that would change”); a job that at one time fulfilled the spark of dreams – but now left me cold and deadened; or something as small as the pair of jeans that no longer fit and probably in truth never will.
There is a natural cycle that governs our entire life: birth-life-death-rebirth; it is a rhythm that is central to our everyday life. It is felt in each breath we take – the inhale and the exhale. This rhythm is so natural to our lives that it is odd most of us have been taught to fear it.
We approach death as something to be deeply feared, to be pushed away, to not talk about; we see old age as being no longer valuable.
Most of us have been trained to hold onto what we currently have … and not allow it to shift, change, grow, and move. We hold on because we fear that there will be pain in letting go.
So most of the time, we are not given the time to even feel the end of something. We are not given the time to grieve.
I remember how shocked I was when I first moved to the United States and was told that people only received three days bereavement leave if someone in their family died.
If we are never given the space to actually let go, how can we metabolize our life and really live it?
In the last couple of years, I have sat with my own mortality. And after having a miscarriage last year, I have deepened into the powerful state of a kind of grief that had not until then. The only way that I could let go in that doctor’s office and actually allow her to perform the D and C was if she brought me my baby after the procedure was completed.
I needed that ritual of completion. I needed to sit and hold my baby, even though there was no baby there … simply a container of my own tissue.
I needed to see, to touch … I needed to have it be real. And if I could have, I would have taken my baby home with and buried her. Only that was not allowed … and it simply boggles my mind.
I needed time – a lot of time – to grieve; not the one or two weeks, but a few months of journeying the into underworld and being touched by the Queen of Death.
I know that whenever your heart has been deeply attached to something or something, then any kind of letting go is that way. My letting go process had layers and layers to be traversed and it was only when I felt I had let go, that something new was reborn out of the darkness…
This experience led me even deeper into the mystery of death. There is such beauty in the opening and closing of this powerful gateway; there’s intimacy – a tango – between life and death … we are dancing cheek to cheek with it in our lives.
So the Queen of Death has an invitation for you:
Slow down and breathe…
Stop multitasking and give yourself the gift of feeling your own heart beat for a moment..
What is it that is ready to die, to be released in your life?
What is now complete that you “know” you are ready to let go, even though you may still feel the struggle of your attachment?
She invites you to:
- Take time to actually let yourself open up and feel what is slipping away between the veils. What is dying to be reborn in a new form?
- What is ready to be composted into the darkness of the fallow land of the Queen of Death?
- Where do you still fear this letting go?
- What in you is holding on?
If you feel called, come on over and share with us here on our Facebook page.
The dance of life and death lives within every one of us at all times.
When I sit with sisters who are navigating this dance between holding on and letting go, I often invite them to actually dance the dance of life and death … the holding on and the letting go … to truly FEEL it. It is one of the most primal urges within us and navigating the powerful alchemy of being in both places at once is perhaps one of the greatest mysteries of our lives.
We are given constant opportunity and training to meet the moment of our death.
What would it be like to embrace the presence of the Queen of Death in every moment?
How would your life feel different if you lived each day as if it were your last?
This is the great gift at the heart of the Queen of Death gateway.
This breath is precious
This moment is priceless and will never ever be repeated
This day is a gift
What if this was the last day that you were to be alive?
What if you were not guaranteed another day?
How would you change how you are living your life right now?
In this moment?
I leave you with this poem by Jeff Foster.
You Will Lose Everything
You will lose everything.
Your money, your power, your fame, your success, perhaps even your memories.
Your looks will go.
Loved ones will die.
Your body will fall apart.
Everything that seems permanent is impermanent and will be smashed.
Experience will gradually, or not so gradually, strip away everything that it can strip away.
Waking up means facing this reality with open eyes and no longer turning away.
But right now, we stand on sacred and holy ground, for that which will be lost has not yet been lost, and realising this is the key to unspeakable joy.
Whoever or whatever is in your life right now has not yet been taken away from you.
This may sound trivial, obvious, like nothing, but really it is the key to everything, the why and how and wherefore of existence.
Impermanence has already rendered everything and everyone around you so deeply holy and significant and worthy of your heartbreaking gratitude.
Loss has already transfigured your life into an altar.
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